[one_half_last]Welcome to the Addiction Recovery Blog RoundUp this week. It is really spring in our part of the world! I for one am happy to see the sunshine, the green, and the blooms. Here are some thoughtful pieces to read this week while you are enjoying the weather; share your thoughts in the comments below.
Discovering My Family Through Recovery
Ryan Miller has a post this week over at Growing Up Chaotic writing about how his recovery has impacted his family. He identifies that he caused them a lot of harm during his active addiction [/one_half_last]and also writes about how he has changed over time through his sobriety. I like at the end where he is writes about their foundation as a family. He says: “…we are able to admit our wrongs, apologize and forgive. We laugh with each other, depend on each other, and love on one another.” Those are all things that become a struggle when addiction is active in the family system.
Loved Ones Of Addicts: 10 Things You Can Relate To
This is a great list of wishes and feelings that all persons involved in secondhand addiction have in common over at Addiction Blog this week. I love the entire list so it’s difficult to pick a favorite, however, I do like where Fran Simone writes in #4: “…Letting go with love is our most difficult challenge but can be done with the help of family addiction support systems.” As difficult as it is, we have to remember that it is the person struggling with the addiction who must walk the path. As much as we would wish, we cannot do it for them.
Ten Reasons That Your Addicted Or Alcoholic Child Will Give To Get Out Of Rehab
So as long as we are looking at “Top Ten” posts, this week, let’s take a peek at this one: A list of reasons that individuals (not just your child) will use to try and get out of staying in a rehab facility. In her post, Eliza over at Parent Pathway also identifies possible responses to the questions. I would add a couple responses to her list:
I’m sorry you feel that way
I understand that this is hard
In mental health treatment and in addiction treatment, we talk a lot about setting or having boundaries. What does that mean exactly? For me, it means taking care of myself and not allowing others to trample over me. It is not easy because first you must figure out what you need in order to take care of yourself. Over at Living Sober, Mrs. D. is writing about boundaries this week and what having boundaries means to her. Everyone must set boundaries for themselves. But as a family member dealing with secondhand addiction, it is imperative that you set boundaries in place. Not only to cope with the chaos around you, but to manage your own health and well being.
Stop Trapping Yourself
Here is a post about expectations from Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More and numerous other books. Using it in the context of secondhand addiction, what are you expecting of yourself in relationship to the person who is struggling with addiction? What is the belief underlying the behaviors that you are expecting of yourself? For example, if your behavior is that you pay their rent or that you make phone calls to cover for them, is your belief that you can save them from their addiction? I love where she says: “…If some of them are outdated or useless, maybe it’s time to throw them away.” I challenge you to examine your expectations this week? Are they realistic? Are they healthy? Or could it be that they are no longer serving you?
That’s all for this week. Enjoy your spring weekend!
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or codependency issues, Contact me today to arrange a free, no-obligation consultation to talk about how we can work together or find the right person for you.